An unnatural forgiveness.

Met up with YL for lunch..

I have really been protecting.
Defending.
Standing up.
For liars.

When I was younger, I thought that if I stood up for those in need, one day I will have my reward.

Now I am in a position.
Of being hurt.
Of being lied to.

Of having to let go and forgive.
This feeling really hurts.

All those words said..
They don't hold water anymore.
You sing another tune from what you told me.
All alibis and lies.

YL said, "it would take a miracle."
Word says, "Grace that is more than enough."

In the end, I have to forgive and yet continue protecting.

The Grace I received is not Strength.
It is Forgiveness.
An unnatural forgiveness.
With empty words.

I hate lies. I really do.
They have done nothing but made me more bitter.
Work. Work. Work.
This ant hill is so undeserving.
I bless others and I do not receive.

I asked, "Why no one would question credibility anymore?"
YL smiled, "What makes you think that they know even?"

Suffer the silence.
There are no great chapters for me.

YL: "They only want what they want. It is never about any truth, really.
Sorry, mel.
That it happened on you."

"They would choose wrongly because they never check their hearts.
I know that you know."

"If they close up their hearts, I know you always choose what I choose: let them have their free will."

...

Free Will.
This is the best answer today.
So this is a price for free will.
I pay.
Even God had to pay for man's free will.

I have not hurt you.
Why hurt me?

So who will protect me?
So who will be with me?

Why me?
Why does God still love me?
Why does God still forgive someone like me?