No ones like the dirty job.

"Thank you for your well wishes Melvin. I am blessed because of you and the awesome leaders and YL Zone. Your humility and willingness to learn and grow will be remembered. Keep on glowing for the Lord!"
__________________________________________
_
6 hours of sleep for the last 72 hours.

Today is my first day of work.
But I am so happy.

At the airport for the night.
I learned so much about Supernaturally Natural and Naturally Supernatural.
That is the true meaning of Liquid Fire.
It stays in you.

They told me.
"We feel that you may have Prophet anointing."
"After you preached, we grew from 6 to 30 in just under 2 months."

It may be nothing to others.
But to me.
It is Liquid Fire to my ears.

I make others happy.
But to get to know the real me.

In dark corners.
I became a clown to repel darkness.
In crowds.
I became a fool to lead.
I hated Jeremiah's tears.
But now I am praying like Jeremiah.
No ones like the dirty job.
This is Self-concept and Self-esteem.

BUT God, I give.

You answered all my questions! You good! I am coming back for more.

"No Pressure
Ur Calibre NP
Don't be sad can ...
U r a awesome person.
Once u have any news u let me knw. I pray for u! Huat ah!" - pastor

"thank you always for being in N182 and being an impact to me."

"pastor melvin!!!!!!!!! We miss you!!!!"

"you work really hard. pass on the martha to someone and be a mary."

"I heard so much about you! You must preach at my church! We are not far away!"

"Pastor Max keeps talking about you. Come back to us."

"You answered all my questions! You good! I am coming back for more."

...

______________________________________

What a madness for Asia Conference.
But I caught it.
I caught something.

I was so surprised and teary to see Karmel and Gideon.
78 delegates. What a crowd.
And they kept smiling and talking to me: "Pastor, when are you coming back?"
"We grew in the youth congregation after you prayed for us. And the singles you prayed got hitched! And the ones you prayed healed!"

Ps Cho said, "God's grace is more than enough for you. You don't have. But God is all you need!"

Original Plan - Ps Cho
Reconcile to Self - Ps Bernard
Self-Concept and Self-esteem - Ps Bernard
Extreme Reversal - Ps Cary
Light for understanding - Ps Terry
Love the Holy Spirit - Ps Bonnke

I know these are some of the subtle titles.
But I do notice.

Now, I am writing this entry in office.

I have only gotten 2 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.
Processed the photos.
Now preparing for a final presentation.
Packing my stuff (it is my last day incidentally).
Tonight I will be taking care of a delegate before she flies home in the morning.

There is no sign of rest. Yet.
Lol.
But I am really not a pastor.
I am really becoming a volunteer church staff.
My mind is beginning to fade a little now.
I cannot imagine how I am going to go on for today.

Yesterday was already a very draining process trying to coordinate.
So many problems.
But I am glad when many came.
And some of the cheekier ones said, "hey you are quite a funny guy. Seen you around. Do you have desire to be a CGL?"

Lol.

I said, "erm.."
It is even more fun to look at their faces when they go "oh".

Underestimation will be my bane.

Rugged Tree

"Melvin is strong. I still see you continue doing what you do."

"You are the most encouraging person I know!"

"You are the kind of leader I want to emulate. I have never seen anyone do that! Your words mean something to me and my friends."

"Melvin, I love you."

"You saved me."

"Thank you for all those revelations."

_____________________________________________________

I think I live in fallacy.
Everyone seemed to have moved on and leave me.
Hurts have been done. But I trudge on.
I am not a happy trooper that everyone thought.

My hands have blisters from the Rugged Tree that saved my life.

And all they ask of me..
minister, minister, minister..
Asking me "what can I do?"

It's been so long someone asked me, "how are you?"
No one put spit-mud on my tearful eyes.

Last night, I heard a beautiful voice say, "passion of God will be a voice for the people."
I heard "you preached out of a broken heart".

That meant a lot to me.
Telling me "how long and how far".

Maybe.. Just maybe..
This is my Rugged Tree..
My calling has gotten me this far end.

Going where no one goes.
Loving where no one loves.
Giving where no one gives.

The Regenerative

Core values protect your thinking;
Core purposes protect your actions.
~ A R Bernard

Insulation is your proprietary.
Holiness is a proprietary you treat to execute.
~ cranberries_empty

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I see people using "forever" and "today" exchangeably.
If you are afraid of "forever", it is because you choice certain "options".
If you are comfortable about "today", it is because you counted "resources" that has "enough" for "today".
You hold unto some "self" reserve.

Yet people love to hear that.
They think that it is romantic.
They think it is a bravery. It is not. It is cowardice at its fullest.

If you equated "love" with "resources", then of course, you would say that.
And you choose cheaper alternatives.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son.."
Agape (God's) love should be inspiration for Eros (Boy-girl) love.

The verse refers a continuous present tense.
An action that was done. But yet it contains no expiry.
It contains no resource limitations.
Because it is not a resource in the first place.

Life is not a resource.
It was Jesus' life for the wages of sin.
A love cannot be a resourceful act.
It has to be regenerative and committed (like life).

A God's love..
A mother's love..
A master's love..
The baseline is that they all involve time.
At the price of life that constantly regenerates to input love.

Don't choose because you think it is an exchange.
That is not love.
If you cannot regenerate, then you have an issue.

Counting stars

"I know what you mean. Come out of your tent. Look at the stars and count them."
"You are destined for great things!" - YL

I could spend my lifetime counting stars forever..
Thank you Pst Cho.
Suddenly all those years of preparation make sense to me.

Maybe all those late nights. I was already counting stars.
Every pen and pain was actually the stars beyond my tent.

I could count stars for the rest of my life...
Abraham counted for 15 years of late nights.

_______________________________________________________

Met Pst Yong..
"Is it? Why would anyone do that to you??"

Smile. Look down.

Gave me a pat and said, "You are still a great guy."

Thank you.

Price we all pay for our individualism and the impossibility of truly understanding another person

"Your worship saved the day."

"Don't you have to call upon the Name of Jesus? Then you must have delivered them by walking in His presence!"

Sometimes it is hard to comprehend. But I am just an ordinary person.

_________________________________________________

What an interesting day I had.
Talked to 3 different personalities and I still cannot rationalize.

Personality #1
It is stated about availability more. The choice lies in the availability which incurs dependability. Even though the capacity is really a compromise.

Personality #2
Wouldn't mind giving up a dream. There was a beautiful setting. But the choice to run around to increase worth at the price of personal growth. Worth is no longer measured alongside growth.

Personality #3
It is about a weathered personality. What is really on the inside is a desire for a security. But instead, the eyes lead the heart for a weathered personality. Being weathered incurs interest. Even though it should have been the heart lead the eyes.

Maybe I was right.
I wish there was someone who could tell me honestly.
Because more and more.
I think people don't really know what they are searching for.

"The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart." This phrase was built from
'The Heart of the Matter' (1948) - a novel by Graham Greene.

_________________________________________________

As Graham Greene himself saw it, The Heart of the Matter deals with the issue of pride. He illustrates this theme by describing Scobie, the main character of the book, as "a weak man with good intentions doomed by pride". He further says in the preface, "I had meant the story of Scobie to enlarge a theme ... the disastrous effect on human beings of pity as distinct from compassion. I had written: 'Pity is cruel. Pity destroys. Love isn't safe when pity's prowling around.' The character of Scobie was intended to show that pity can be the expression of an almost monstrous pride."

Each character in the novel fails in their ultimate goals by the end of the book. Scobie's ultimate sacrifice, suicide, fails to bring the expected happiness he imagines it will to his wife.

The Heart of the Matter is not just about failure, but about the price we all pay for our individualism and the impossibility of truly understanding another person. Each of the characters in the novel operates at tangential purposes which they often think are clear to others, or think are hidden from others, but are in fact not.

“Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives.” - Richard Bard

_________________________________________________

Please. Don't let me go.

I hope you find everything that you need.

Last night, I poured into a life.
Forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness.
It hurts so much.
To rally something you need the most.
Obedience and Sacrifice.
I felt my own heart as I speak.

I'm back in the carpark where I supported you.
When you took back those words, I loved you the same.
__________________________________________________________

Come Back To Me (David Cook)

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

David Cook - Come Back To Me (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: David_Cook

And I thank you for thinking of me.

"melvin, i nv forgot you. (:"

And I thank you for thinking of me. :)

And the offering that day has accomplished its purpose.

A sacrifice is what you owned and given.
Obedience is what you need to capture in separate will and reel it in.

The offering becomes an important issue.
Because an offering often "reveals" things.

Jesus looked through the offerings to see the people's hearts.
God looked through the tithe to call one a robber.
Kings looked through the offerings to judge response.

Though offering is what you could see, it has a second fold.
It starts telling what you have not seen.

Like if you were myopic, you will never know what perfect vision is like.
Until you tried glasses, then you start seeing what you have not seen.

Offering is the act of that 'trying' what you never did.

Why Obedience is greater than Sacrifice.
Then it is simply because sacrifice is non-negotiable with obedience present.

Matt 5:24
Leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

Your offering helps you see the bigger picture.
Jesus never said, "Take that offering back with you."
Because it was not meant to be taken back.
He said, "leave before the altar."

The altar always represents 'what' is needed to be accomplished.
And the offering that day has accomplished its purpose.
Like a murderer who needs to pay up, your offering and your obedience is coupled.

That is the true meaning of why obedience and sacrifice. But not exclusive.
It is differently valued.
But not differentiated.

X-small in size, X-Big in Heart

X-small in size, X-Big in Heart from grace cheng on Vimeo.

WE're Able, Really.

It still is

It was nice to hear from Cuen.

"N182 is still an exciting cell. It still is."

Desperately keeping your unkempt loose ends.

I couldn't sleep at all last night.
Walked, prayed, read and stoned.
But nothing worked.

So in 3 days, I have slept only a total of 10 hours.
Again.. 3 hours per day.

I don't know what is happening.
But something kept me awake the whole night.
As I took the bus off to work, suddenly the Writer in me appeared.
_________________________________________________________________

The moment of truth is always the moment of fight.
Inner-proselytizing.

The moment of weakness is always accompanied by an old direction of flight.
Emotive Baggage.

"When you want to do something great, you are always in preparative mode.
The fight begins on the inside.
Then it is continued on the outside.

You moved on the inside.
But you stayed for a fight on the outside."

"When you grow weak, you are always in an endless mode.
There is always somewhere to hide on the inside.
Then you are desperately tying loose ends.

You moved nothing inside.
But you are always busy nowhere outside."
_________________________________________________________________

When people look at you, your eyes become scurry.
You are desperately keeping your unkempt loose ends.

When you can't sleep, it's usually because something is coming.
You are in preparative mode.
That's nice to know.

Why am I still protecting you?

Selfless..
Has it become a tune only.

"Hey bro, just checked out your profile. lots of simple scene that became great pics."

Why am I still protecting you?

I could only pray lying down.

"Thank u for the comfort you gave me. i'm glad tt u're in my life."

"Hello Melvin! last night's cgm was awesome! =) Thank you for sharing such a powerful word! It really stirred my heart a lot! This was one of my quiet time. I really wrestled with God and struggled because I felt I couldn't do it and I gave myself a lot of pressure. After last night's sermon, I got the bigger picture and I understood what that quiet time meant fully."

"This week's cg message is your message! It is something you already have been living out in your life, So when you preach, it is good!"

"I must say he really grows under your leadership. you're the man!"

"In five minutes, your song leading was awesome! We entered into the presence!"

In 2 days: sermon preparation, cgm, an overnight wake, work, service, hospital visitation, meetings.. I managed only 3 hours of sleep. Started seeing vertigo after I sent the last one to the doorstep. When I slept, tears started flowing endless. Robin Harfouche's words finally got to my hurts. I could only pray lying down.

Al was just telling me.. being a leader is really not easy.
And I could only smile in return.
I am smiling from my dark cave.
I meet Him in the shadows.

Three signs announces an arrival.
The Still Small Voice blows away fear.
Proximity to my tears now.

In Andrew's words:
Here are my terms.
Have some faith in me.

"Why is he so sheepish?"

Went to watch Ip Man 2.
Was curious about what YL said about the scene of him losing his school venue.

I saw how he asked his students to put all the wooden stacks into his own house.
And how he sheepishly kept smiling.
I teared.
Immediately I understood what he was feeling.

It was pure rejection.
It is a feeling of all odds against him.
I've been there.
And I'm still there.

I remembered saying exactly the same words.
"It's ok."
"See you tomorrow."
It isn't about tomorrow.
Just give something to look forward tomorrow.

It wasn't like others described him as a man of virtue and honor.
It is not at all.
It is a man who faced extreme rejection and failures.
That is why he waved it all off.
So that others wouldn't know.
I feel the most for this part..
When everything is going against you.

He was able to keep smiling because he wasn't blaming anyone.
These are not foolish things.
These are strong desires.
They are not denial.
They are persistence.

I was so amazed.
Because in the end, he said exactly the same thing in my heart.
"It is not about Chinese being better than Western Martial Arts."
It is not about defending an honor.
It is about Integrity in the end.
Again, Integrity.
No one's integrity should be lower than anyone else.

Ip Man is a case of rejection.
Extreme rejection.

Most people wouldn't understand the ending until they have been through the same distance.
Which is why they will say..

"Why is he so sheepish?"

Dear you, it wasn't a choice.

It requires proximity.

I have been praying for you.
I really hope you are doing well.

If this is how it is.
Then I will keep on keeping on.
Believing only for the best.
I will believe it for you.

Praying behind a seated sea.

The small still voice means intimation.
I am learning to hear that.
And the words keep flowing.
It requires proximity.

We'd better do what He says

I heard a really good quote today..

"We'd better do what He says.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He knows how to grow food."

Be healed, it's your turn now.

"You most encouraged me when u tell me it's ok. U will defend ur people and friends. that is you :) u're a good leader Mel."

"Thank you very much melvin for e lift back home. although can see that u are extremely exhausted. but still make e extra mile to send each of us bk hm. I gained a clearer understanding of situations that have been bothering part of me, thank u melvin for e insights u have explained and given me. i really appreciate seeking and talking to u."

My hands are tired.
While defending, my arms are torn.

I used to defend for my own cause.
But now I defend for God's cause.

Bleeding on paper. Bleeding through my words.
Will someone hold my hands and tell me..
Be healed, it's your turn now.

No, thank you

"Ok, thanks a lot melvin =) i believe e sermon that u'll be preaching tonight will be an inspiring one,that's what i always get in cell group meeting. thank u melvin."

"One of the best, Melvin. You did it again. =)"

No, thank you.
Forgive me.

Grace

"Hello Melvin, I'm reading your entry when u went down to help for deliverance. The clown and john lennon entry? I started to sob, when I read 'i looked like a fool. so that He is glorified'. Thank you, thank you for making it strong so that I can be stronger today."

Dear you,

I was preparing the sermon for tonight's cell. And through it, I thought to myself..
What if Step #1 was not even initiated?
What if the perpetrator was not myself but someone else?
What would be the healing the process?
Even for myself, I have never experienced any of step 1 or steps to reconciliation when trouble came to me these few months.
I have friends but I have yet to "heal".

I thought that perhaps I could share a little on what I managed to receive last night.

Many people like to use this phase to explain when bad things happen to good people: "God will give you grace."
I thought for a very long time about this. Because to me, in the language wise, it just does not add up.
Shouldn't it be "healing" instead?

For tonight, so that I may not be angry with my own hurts, I prayed through and God led me to Ps 73:26
"Consumed hath been my flesh and my heart, The rock of my heart and my portion is God to the age."

When there is a huge hurting and the steps mentioned in the sermon do not occur, we will surely end up as the "consumed".
We become sucked in, sapped and perhaps even emo-centric.

But wise words from Cato (some philosopher): "We cannot control the evil tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them." (A good quote for gossips)

Cato managed to see that it is "good life".
The rock that David was talking about is not about Jesus. It is not The Rock.
It is a "Grace for Living Today". A Grace enough to carry us into eternity.

This Grace is not a healing miracle. (From Matthew Henry's Concise of Ps 73): But a grace that is sufficient, not only to save us from harm but to make many gainers by it.

The amazing thing is that these things happen without an appropriate reason but an appropriate repercussion: That others including ourselves will gain something through it. It may be Growth, Maturity, Resilience.. whatever it may be. There will be a portal of Gain.

Many american comic artists in the 70s to 80s drew their superheroes from a standpoint. And when fans started speculating how they arrived to becoming superheroes (like Spiderman and Superman, etc), many comic artists decided an approach that "today may not be as what it seemed". They came up with drawings depicting histories that were often dramatic and "unsynchronized" to the "super-flamboyant-character" that they designed. It became a trend and in the 1970s, this writing was called "Retroactive Continuity". It was about enlisting a specific "designed future" by effecting a "scripted past".

If today, you were supposed to be "God's hero" but you are not. Does God need to do a "Retroactive Continuity" over your life?

The answer will be forever no.
Because God keeps adding His Grace to your Retro, Modern and Future.
He is "Retroproductive". He has every purpose for you to go through what you go through everyday.

And that through you, someone (including yourself) will Gain and not be Consumed.

This addition will change you. It may not only be a Moving on, it may be a Moving in.

=]

Believing for the best,
Melvin

Befriend

A heroine who makes me smile. =]
When I thought close that no one would want to befriend someone like me.

Can I help others like how she helps others?
Can jars of clay pour?

3 Lefts and No Right

Where did I get all these thoughts from..?

From a secret place.
Where I cry and scream.
A place where colors meet shades.
A picture where the expiry date meets faith.

- "Out of hurt, are you speaking out of wrath or love?"
- "Chemistry, which is adequately not mentioned for the more matured."
- "The longer way is not a misdirection but a recollection."
- "In exchange for time, you should be gathering more area."

"Hello Melvin. u're e leader of e hero\ines because u led by example in giving n serving even ur personal life was affected. U became an inspiration to many; producing a great team of helpers running w u n supporting u! thanks for being who u're."

"Thanks for your servanthood heart too! You're such an inspiration to me. Really."

"Hey. There is really something different about you and the words you share. There is always something more."

"Hey Melvin. I feel I'm ready. So if u need me, can find me."

But the stakes are too high and too great.
At the price I paid.. other gain on my flight.

"Elijah's experience".
Maybe..
3 lefts and no right..
Maybe this is the scary end for me.