Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Consciousness is routing your choices.

Team Edward and Team Jacob.
Invigorating vs loyalty.

Thought-reader vs persistence.
It was obvious to me about Edward. The undead nature is always life-seeking.

"A contest between 'what I should' and 'what I am'." I completely agree but only that J is what 'she really is' and E is what 'she should'.

Bella's quest for the mysterious side is often confusion and blatant rebellion. Edward is aligned to that selfishness. An exclusive and nonconformist nature. Selfishness is the first gift for romance. In fact, his character is unkind. He wouldn't represent loyalty.

Unfortunately, Jacob's enthusiasm is seen as the mysterious that is non-invigorating. But Jacob was the better man. But because of his ability to give in spite of all.

Bella is led by fantasy. A blatant truth and unfulfilling. The reason for that double-minded is simply her fantasy is telling her she 'should' have edward. And her truth is telling her she 'is' onto Jacob. Not the other way that the stories says. Because she is not ruled for conscious. If she is, then consciousness would not lie to get through. Consciousness is routing your choices.

One brings life and another brings future. It is obvious that a life aligned to the invigorating destroys you. The invigorating takes your own to sustain its own. It is vampiric by nature. You will have to change your own values but only retain personality. Most would choose personality above values. When fantasy is top fashion.

The life aligned to loyalty is always boring. But it is always giving. The loyalist takes his own to sustain yours. It is sacrificial by nature. You have to compromise on your personality but at the price of keeping your values. This is harder choice because it is vibrant.

It is a different way of seeing things.
When you are choosing loyalty and invigorating.

Obviously.. I am team Jasper.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Descriptive of my world



This is so descriptive of my world.

Forever going to be bad at lies.

"Very pretty!!"

I know.
It was there in my sight. Way before the transformation.

I saw it.
And I said to you.
In infant stage.
Don't believe me.. but believed others.

When I knew the flaws, I still love it.
Because I seen something more than shallow.

I joke about appearances.
But I am straight forward looking on the inside.

But now everyone crowds around you.
Rallies you. Celebrates you.
I remember you used to tell me that you were always alone.
And now you are not.
They love you for your talents.
I'm happy for you.
I was there when you were dreaming.
Realizing that dream became my exit.

I am a bad liar.
Forever going to be bad at lies.

YL: "Loyalty. I love you for your loyalty. Not many people appreciate that anymore."

_____________________________

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive"

Monday, June 28, 2010

I will allow entry to what remains useful.

"So let those good thoughts fill your head."

"When you done the best you could.."
"Be the best you can be."
"Nothing is beyond you."
"Gotta feel that pride."



This band is allowed on Sesame Street for only one good reason.
Because it can change a world of influence.

I will allow entry to what remains useful.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Can I finally let it down now?

"Are you the guy from Haiti?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I am not too sure. But you look kinda like him."

___________________________

"YL ask me to ask you."

"Why?"

"Because you can remember everything and everyone very well!"

___________________________

"We want you to come!!"

"Why?"

"You are like our zone's super leader la. If you are gone, then how??"

___________________________

"Thank God you didn't go to drama."

"Why?"

"Because if you did. Many of us won't be here today."

___________________________

"You should change your job, man."

"Why?"

"You got the EYE, man! You got it!"

___________________________

"You are OUR moses!"

Can I finally let it down now?

Be Normal

"Melvin! Can you be normal!? You are so talented! You write, picture, speak, sing and encourage.. How can we catch up??"

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I'm on your camp.

I thought what you mentioned about speaking up..

I may not know what happened.

But it is an epitome of faithfulness.

You don't fight against people but principalities. And principalities are revealed in twisting principles.

You fought well for the principles that are close to your heart. You will be a giant because you protected values that will bless your people.

Don't worry.

You are going to make it.

If you are anointed for the job, the opportunity to speak out will always fall back on you.

And you will bring glory to God's wisdom.

I'm on your camp.

______________________

Wow. :) Thank you!

That is what's important.

Johnny Rzeznik.

"On July 4, 2004, Rzeznik and his bandmates returned home to Buffalo and played a free show to give back to their loyal fans, over 60,000 of whom attended. The day quickly became a city triumph when rain came pouring down during their performance. It turned out to be one of the strongest rain storms of the year in Buffalo, but the Goo Goo Dolls did not stop playing. Rzeznik declared, 'We're going to keep going until this shit stops'. This performance was captured on DVD and CD for the public in the Goo Goo Dolls release Live in Buffalo: July 4th 2004."

______________________________________

Do you have a way you prefer to write? Do you discipline yourself and doesn't it have to be an everyday thing?

Yeah, and you know what else I do? I just run tape and screw around with stuff. For me, it's like, if you let yourself go real free form and no one can hear you, you can make as many mistakes as you want. It really is like a stumble, learn to walk, stumble, and take a step kind of thing. You just keep going in there, and everything you play sucks for a long time. You really have to dig around until you find a little nugget, and then you go back, and listen to these things. They kind of grow from there. I always write music first because in my head, the music sets the mood. It can put you into a place, and you will listen to that, and think 'Oh, that song is real scary.' So, you write some scary words or something. It's just these weird kind of peripheral feelings and stuff.

______________________________________

I've always had this fear that what works in your bedroom and what works in your house will not measure up once that piece is completed and brought forth to fruition in recording. How much has it helped to have faith in your band that the sounds will always be there?

Once again, it's just, what does your gut tell you? I mean that is so much of everything that we do. From the time that you pick up your guitar, you play the song, you put on the tape recorder, you take it to the band, you'll work out the arrangement, and it changes. It goes through this time and time again, just changing and changing. Then you get into a recording studio with a producer and an engineer, and it changes again. I always use the analogy of Michaelangelo. I mean, you've got to let it go at a certain point. If the song is good, that's cool, as long as the song can come through. We had a couple of experiences early on with a producer that didn't want what we wanted to do, and it turned into a real battle, but the songs came through. That is what's important.

______________________________________

I will be strong.
Melvin, be strong.

And they still don't.

YL laughed with me.

They don't tell the truth.

And they still don't.

An unnatural forgiveness.

Met up with YL for lunch..

I have really been protecting.
Defending.
Standing up.
For liars.

When I was younger, I thought that if I stood up for those in need, one day I will have my reward.

Now I am in a position.
Of being hurt.
Of being lied to.

Of having to let go and forgive.
This feeling really hurts.

All those words said..
They don't hold water anymore.
You sing another tune from what you told me.
All alibis and lies.

YL said, "it would take a miracle."
Word says, "Grace that is more than enough."

In the end, I have to forgive and yet continue protecting.

The Grace I received is not Strength.
It is Forgiveness.
An unnatural forgiveness.
With empty words.

I hate lies. I really do.
They have done nothing but made me more bitter.
Work. Work. Work.
This ant hill is so undeserving.
I bless others and I do not receive.

I asked, "Why no one would question credibility anymore?"
YL smiled, "What makes you think that they know even?"

Suffer the silence.
There are no great chapters for me.

YL: "They only want what they want. It is never about any truth, really.
Sorry, mel.
That it happened on you."

"They would choose wrongly because they never check their hearts.
I know that you know."

"If they close up their hearts, I know you always choose what I choose: let them have their free will."

...

Free Will.
This is the best answer today.
So this is a price for free will.
I pay.
Even God had to pay for man's free will.

I have not hurt you.
Why hurt me?

So who will protect me?
So who will be with me?

Why me?
Why does God still love me?
Why does God still forgive someone like me?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A little backsliding for hope

Infinite Deferral

Chance must be systematically explored

Insomniacs for a good reason.

So if you gain sleep, are they no good reasons?
When something is abnormal, there is a lack of reasons?

___________________________________

I sang this for my 21st birthday..
Perhaps that is where my eye for photography came about..



____________________________________

I believe alot for Forgiveness.





Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Today can be Israel

For a long time, we have been appreciating our leaders and our mentors.
Especially during Fathers' Day, I got loads of sms-es and short messages saying "Happy Father's Day, Dad!"

...

But for a long time, I thought it was typically strange.
We can only determine fathers when we have intervening children.
We can only appreciate fathers when we have appreciated children.
We can only elevate fathers when we have raised children.

I remembered my first Bible Study group.
Alan Wong, Rina and Zixiang.

I remembered my first discipleship group.
Daphne, Yvonne and Sarah.

I remembered my first connect group.
Joseph, Adrian and Clarice.

I remembered my first helper group.
Gershon, Shengda, Ying Ying, Christopher and Huimin.

I remembered my first team.
Sebastian, Beiwen, Eujean, Peng Cheng, Kevin, Melissa and Liyun.

I remembered my second team.
Aaron, Janis and Barnabas.

I remembered my third team.
Cheryl and Weeyang.

I remembered my contingent team.
Benedict and Cedric.

And I will keep remembering..

I remembered every single one of them.
Pst YL kept reminding me about creating a list that I pray over them wherever I go.
I remembered praying in sequence: Maturity, Relationship and Faith.

My favorite words from them were always
'Nothing is impossible for us.'
'Who says we can't'.
If we remain faithful, He is ALWAYS faithful.

I love my people.
They cannot be the best. Because they can only be the Chosen.
It cannot be a quest for talent.
It can only be a fire test of potential.

I wish I could include everyone on my team.
But I choose free will.
Sometimes we just got to let go, like a rubber band of momentum, they go higher.
Stretching is not everything.
Turning them into fire-proof rubbers of resilience is the key.

And I am so proud of them.
Many may not like them but they still chose to give their lives.

I have seen them cry as they read their bibles.
I have seen them struggle as they read out prayers.
I have seen them sleep in fear as they prepare for wars.
But they keep coming back.
Going through the baptism by Fire.

_______________________________

I remembered answering a phone call in the middle of the night.
Just because she wanted to give up.
Arguments and lies have gotten the better toll.
It was about 12am and I was still working in the university.
I prayed. I worried that she would bucker.

But the sweet voice answered:
"Yes I will be ok. I will not give up."

That night we slept.
Under the baptism by cloud.
Shelter for the weary but faithful heart.

_______________________________

There were so many opportunities that we went through together.
Heartbreaks, breakdowns, betrayals and lies.

But we were always like kids on a sunday school bus.
We put on oversized armors of faith.
Armed with notebooks of scribbles.
We didn't know what was going to happen.
But we still hop on that bandwagon.
Because we just want to see the Supernatural.

Because we knew.

Putting our best foot forward isn't everything.
Putting up another foot along is then Progression and Adventure.

This is my opportunity.
To say Thank You to all those who made us fathers.

You believed.
And you gave.

And because of you.
Our little adventure together.
Today can be Israel.

Thank You

"You are my fav preacher from CHC so far!"

"Yup, u do have a heart to help ppl."

"It was seriously, one of the best writings I have read so far."

"You are soooooo humble and kind!"

"I enjoy your work. U r really talented n u have an eye for things :)"

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Desperation and faith becomes synonymous.

I was walking around the hall on Saturday.
It is such a strange feeling to see your pictures being strewn around you.

Everyone walked by.
Looking at their expressions, I knew that it looked like a paid assignment.
I quietly walked by.

"Fantastic pictures! I wonder which company did these."

Maybe because I am really nobody.
Nobody likes a nobody.
Your level of faith is introduced by your immediate expression.
Maybe I am just that strange person in your eyes.

My portraits are more about me than they are about the people I photograph. ~Richard Avedon

I am just that nobody behind the camera.
I know what I see. I see what I could.
Someone was telling me, "You see the Soul. You see potential so well."
"What do you see? Seriously?"

If you ask me to start seeing again, my eyes will well up.

Another came along as said, "You always elevate people up with your words!"

__________________________________________

Impartation.

We impart the Stronger to Weaker.
It is always seen as a transfer.
A stronger leader laying hands over a weaker.

But the only one event that reverses that transfer is Faith.
Faith reverses flow.
The woman with the issue of blood reversed the transfer.

In the realm of human effort, desperation and faith are two separate events.
One is likened to moving off and one is likened to staying put.

But there is one realm of human effort that is called Prayer.
Desperation and faith becomes synonymous.
It transfers you to a position whereby you reverse a flow.

Prayer is to have one hand on God and one hand on you.
Prayer is a realm. It reaches places where manual does not work.

Faith is the gutter that swings. It moves and stays at the same time.
It operates on a flow. The flow of Spirit.

Desperation opens up a whole new perspective on who you are seeking for.
It helps you to recognize the importance.

If you have been praying, have you felt for something?
___________________________________________

Last night, someone told me..
"Why should I treat that person as a priority when that person treats me like an option?"

Honestly, I didn't know what to say.

Stop telling me You-The-Great-Guy thing.
I hate it.
I really do.
It has gotten me nowhere.
Great guys are not appreciated.
But yet, everyday, I am still You-The-Great-Guy.
Not because I like it. But because I have changed. I am fool enough to follow God.

I kept my end of the bargain.
But I feel miserable.
Really i do.

Give sloughs a chance.
But the clown doesn't deserve any.
What a cruel realty it has been.

An aunty came over and talk to me, "It is so fun to talk to you!"

Really?
You think so?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

For who I am.

My new boss commented:
"Melvin, come along to the next meeting with me.
We need your brains. Your suggestions are solid."

"I want you to come along to our dinner."

People like you when you help them solve their problems.

But I haven't been "liked".
For who I am.

But I will be strong.
I will still be best.
The best in who I am.

That my finger will not be tired of counting another star.

Behind all that Humor..
Behind all that Legend..
Behind all that Encouragement..

Is a person who is in the most need..

I want to just believe for another day.
That my strength will not be tired of counting another star.

"How do you do it?"
"Underneath all that hurt, you can still pull through?"

"Your posts are amazing."
"How did you get those experiences?"

When you are humble enough and walk in storm with those people.
You can't write about getting out of a storm without being in that boat.

You can't talk about Heb 12.
If you haven't paid the toll.

"How do you do it?"
To me, as long as you are happy about it.
Then I have loved you.
Smiling silly is not denial.
It is about learning to light up after absorbing all that star-gazing.

Because another star makes that 15-year-wait worth it.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Did I?

"My wife teared when she read it"

"I teared when I read it. :)"

Did I?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Always inviting me in

My first cell group meeting was Yio Chu Kang.
It was a really strange day.
I just got out of camp and a very persistent person called me.
I took that train all the way from Pasir Ris.

Met up with her with whom I have no idea or fancy.
We walked to this small living room which was dimly lit.
The meeting was ordinary but amazingly warm.

"This is a cell group!"
And she left me alone with strangers I have never met.

Then a guy came up to me.
"We believe in sending the ladies home."
As a goodwill new friend, I followed.
And ended up sending all the strangers home and even sent him home.

It was 2 am.

_______________________________

The next meeting was even stranger.
I found myself running from the MRT station to the house.
But I was late from camp.
The singing has begun.
I could only worship behind a shut door.
The house was packed to the door.

It was the same persistent girl seated across the room.
She smiled when she saw I didn't leave.
Said, "Let him come in and sit in front!"
"There is always room for one more!"
I sheepishly entered.
It was completely different from the first meeting I attended.

Every time she spoke the Word.
I blurted "woah" and everyone stared at me.
Again I sheepishly looked away.
I thought that I was the one weird in that room.
She was the one who smiled and said, "That is correct!"

_______________________________

She invited me to meet her husband.
Showed me the study room.
Told me," You can read ANYTHING here!"

I went around.
All the books were really musky.
But somehow I felt a familiar anointing.
I recognize Pastor Kong in that room.
The musky books along musky shelves.
Someone must have plough through these books.
Faithfully replicating.

What a strange feeling again.
She would share hours and hours about "Brother Kong".
She would remember words and words.
Sermon by sermon. Line by line.

Her favourite calling was "Just do the Work of God. Just be in the House of God."
She repeated and proclaimed. Repeated and proclaimed.
"Even if I grow old, I want to be in the House of God."

The revelation about "Worship and face an empty carpark" increases the cup runneth over.
She would tell of "The Good Faithful Servant" as the best means to an end.
She would tell of "Imitating Pastor Kong" as the best act ever.

These were words of Brother Kong.
But Brother or Pastor.
There is that amazing consistency in Yah Lan through these years.
Kong Hee didn't waver.
Yah Lan didn't waver.
A test of time reveals character.

But amplified and multiplied by faith.
Words mixed with Faith.
That is the true gift of Yah Lan.
She consistently amplifies what is already in her hands.

She was the one who told me:
"Be a man who shows Integrity.
Be like Pastor Kong.
You are different from every other.
But I love you just the way you are."

If it were blind following, there wouldn't be Faith multiplying.
If it were blind following, there wouldn't be Love over Law.
If it were blind following, there wouldn't be Hope for the hopeless.

Only consistency can breed consistency.
Pastor Kong impacted a persistent girl's life.
It would be exciting to see it in Annya and Joakim.
Because they have already started.

Once I entered into the house.
Annya called me, not Uncle but:

"Come in! Come in!"

_______________________________

I was so glad to be at the front when she was ordained Pastor.
My lens was heavy.
But my excitement balanced the scale back.

Every other photographer with special passes went up front.
Once again I was strangely left behind a barricade.
But I noticed that she smiled at me.
She knew I would be there.

Pastor, you did not forget me and did not let me go.

With highs and lows, I thank you.
I said before, "You can leave it to me."
But always and always, it has been the other way around.
Since my first cell till now.

Thank you.
For not leaving me behind.

And always inviting me in.

Dark Hearts Marching

"Great note written, liting u MUST read :)"

"I read with tears...."

"thank you melv, i find myself reading your heartfelt post for pastors over and over again. very nice, very well-written. :)"

__________________________________________

Currently, the hits for the 2 posts have overshot my expectations.
Pst called me up and told me, "You seem to understand the hearts of the people."

Had dinner with 2 different people over 2 nights.

One knew me for almost since the start.
"You always deliver what you say.
You make things happen.
That is what makes you special.
And everyone trusts you."

Another calls me Boss all the time.
"You and I can talk.
Hard to find a friend."

__________________________________________

Hot Chelle Rae - Last One Standing

I need this like air in my lungs
This element tears through my bones
It keeps me fighting
Well I, emotions that swim through my veins
A fever that shows in my face
I'm not hiding
And this fire is alive in your eyes

Well I can barely breathe
And I can hear the dark hearts marching
I won't go down easily
Stay here by my side
And we will be the last ones standing
Hold my hand and kiss me before the hearts collide

Cold, the feeling of fear on my skin
Dying to find a way in the silver lining
The stars, they burn out like dreams all around
Falling like rain to the ground
But you're still shining
And this fire is alive in your eyes

Don't wake me up
I feel your touch
Your love like blood runs through me
You consume me

Without conditions

"U know something Mel

I felt the Lord wants you to know something. And I want you to know too...

His love towards you is without conditions.

In your good or bad times, in your high or low, in your ups and downs, He loves you juz the way you are

Achievement or no achievement, results or no result, He loves you deeper than the earth

And you know me, I have seen you in your high and low, your up and down, perfect or imperfect, my love for you is without condition

I am just being who Jesus is to you.

Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life."

______________________________________

That dream was real.
I had no idea that I will receive "no conditions" again.

To a scientist and a clown, achievement and result is everything.
Being accustomed to expected by everybody.
But to hear from people who matter, I know that I have lived a good life.

I am Peter.
I am Paul.
I have given my all.
While receiving Grace sufficient for all.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Jesus didn't call everyone Peter.

Last night Pastor Phil shared a really powerful word on Shepherd-hood.

Some time back, I remembered sitting all alone in Gershon's room praying.
Feeling really miserable.

I lost my leader.
I was answering the inquisitive of sheep lost.
I patiently waited every week for that one moment.
I couldn't stand any disappointment.

Then a word came in.

"Go where no one goes.
Love where no one loves.
Give where no one gives."

That calling blew me off.
Someone has called me to go The Distance.

Last night, I heard an amazing word.
In between asking "Who I am" and "Who you are" is only one sentence.
Jesus: "Who do you say I am?"
Jesus: "You are Now Peter."

There is a singularity in that calling.
It is You, Me, I.
It does not include, it does not pass.
It is adsorbed to one and only one.

Jesus didn't call everyone Peter.
Because it is not Relayed Ministry.
It is Minister.

'No one' isn't a self-depravation.
It is singled out.
You and I have been singled out.
The Shepherd - one and his sheep - many.
That is the correlation.

One sentence, one turn, one calling.
I have been singled out.

________________________________________

The Distance
Hot Chelle Rae

I hear you crying and I know
What it's like to be alone
You're scared and I'm not there
It's like you're living with a ghost
Someone you can't hold
And you say it's so unfair

And just so you know
The distance is what's killing me
Time and space have become the enemy
And what I need is so far away
And so it goes
The distance makes it hard to breathe
My heart won't let go easily
I don't want to be this far away

I'm lying by myself
The silence seems to swell
Someday this all will change
It's a temporary pain
See your face and speak your name
Till then I'll scream into the night

And just so you know
The distance is what's killing me
Time and space have become the enemy
And what I need is so far away
And so it goes

The distance makes it hard to breathe
My heart won't let go easily
I don't want to be this far away
Well I've got my life
And you've got my world tonight

And I miss you (I miss you), I miss you (I miss you)

And just so you know (killing me)

The distance is what's killing me (time and space)
Time and space have become the enemy (enemy)
And what I need is so far away
And so it goes (hard to breathe)
The distance makes it hard to breathe (won't let go)
My heart won't let go easily (easily)
I don't want to be this far away

My heart won't let go.

When I clicked on My Notes today..

7) I dream alot and i often remember them in details every bit of it. I ever did dream i had $500 000 000 in my bank and i gave out cheques to all my friends, and 2 cheques particularly to Melvin who has blessed and touched my life a great deal.

My heart won't let go.
I will bless the Lord with all my soul.

Just so you know..

Monday, June 7, 2010

Your gift

"Yes, I remember you. Bright young boy performing with us at Jurong West at a neighbourhood event rite? And also some other church dramas. That was a great article you wrote. It really touched my heart! :D" - Joyce

"I must say that it is by far one of the best personal recounts i've read.. after reading your entries, it further deepen the trust that i already have for these 2 men of God." - Huahui

"Mel, u wrote well! Go for it! Gd leh ... I am inspired + touched." - Pst MJ

"I'm moved by the testimonial too." - Michael

"Hey, your notes brought tears to my eyes can... :').." -Aud

"That is why I told you last week that you must write. This is your gift." - Pst YL

We owe this man.

Recently I was really impacted by the Asia Conference Drama about a star emcee.
Being an emcee, there are really many struggles.
You battle the inner demons as you are put on a stage.
No amount of spotlight can dispel them.

I remembered in 2000, being my first time in Church, a man was busy inviting people to come to the altar call.
Pastor Kong just finished prayed for the people. But another man kept searching and did not give up.
He was tall and fast in between the crowd.
I had no idea who he was. I felt a little awkward being asked to go in front but the man's eyes were sharp and warm.
It was amazing that he paid close attention to everyone he passed.
It was not a single ounce of hurry but every bit of pouring.

Pastor Tan Ye Peng was that amazing man.
You hear about him leading the social services of CHC.
You hear about him being awarded SIP award.
But the man is more than a face.
He ploughs faithfully.

My most personal encounter was meeting Pastor at the artist room.
It was one of my first few times being a wedding emcee.
And probably the million-th time for him.
I was extremely nervous and he called me over.
I thought of him as a man given to details and hawkish behavior.
And the first thing he did was to ask me with a smile, "How are you today?"
He did not challenge. But in every bit, taught from his heart.
A man of tenacity has every bit to give.

I remembered hearing him share in church of how he almost gave up.
Those tears were real.
Because being an emcee myself, I understood the inner demons he mentioned.
There is so much required and there is so much to pour.
I was so glad I had a chance to talk to Pastor before I went to emcee for that wedding.
He was never unfaithful.
He was every bit the real deal that Pastor Kong had mentioned about this man.

He listens.
He searches.
A brilliant man would have wanted the stage to himself.
But Pastor Tan Ye Peng just wanted to be himself.
Faithfully serving.

His mind is always about making it possible for everyone.
His mind is always about bringing the vision of God across.
A man like that will hardly be self-centered.
If it were lies, then it would not have been sustainable.

I am not a tall stature.
But Pastor helped me to reach the heart of God.
Like labor, he ounces out every bit of revelation so that we could hear about God more.
His actions speaks a lot louder than himself.
He has done much.

During SOT '08, he gave a simple word, "Go, do good works for the glory of God."
I ran quickly with that Word that year.
My cell group and I did an awesome Charity Concert called "WE're Able. Really."
And we impacted so many people. And today so many are calling out for WEAR concert again.
But really, the magic was the Word that Pastor released.
A faithful pastor being a channel for God.
Ordinary people doing Extraordinary things.

I could face my own inner demons because someone faithfully fought his.
From this man, I see what God can do and will keep doing.
He is able to do so much for the Kingdom of God.
Because Pastor Tan has been running with us.
He has been our Channel.
He has been searching for the things of God.
So that we can live out our destinies.

We owe this man.

Thank you, Pastor Tan.

The man I call my Pastor

I remembered entering CHC doors in 2000. That year I thought that no one could be tougher than me.

But I saw this strange man on the stage. He is asian. He preaches quite simply.
But he preached with fire and passion.
He spoke like he knew somebody.
He shared like he knew where he was going.
I was curious. Very curious.

Who is Pastor Kong?

Under his wings, I heard countless testimonies of how he helped.
A man who would go all out for the people he loved.
No one was ever unimportant in his eyes.
So far, I have written to Pastor only 3 letters. One in 2000, 2008 and 2009. And he duly replied every single one of them.
And he remembered our last conversation.
A man who remembers is a man who persists.

I stayed for every service since then. Because I believed there was something more.
Thousands of lives were transformed. Even children and the elderly are being blessed.
We grew because he loved us. And show it.
He helped us locate ourselves. So that we could serve as family.
He never said 'his' church but it was always 'our' church.

I was in the Drama Ministry back then in 2000. Though we were a small team then, he believe in us and helped build a church.
I remembered performing my first stage in a makeshift tent in the neighborhood.
We serve because we believe.
This was the stage where dramatists can bless people in the presence of God.
He believed in this vision.
Is there any greater platform than that?
A place where dramatists can serve for God.

But who is Pastor Kong to me?

When we first shifted to Jurong West, I was one of the first few people to view the building structure.
But we were not there to view a building but to clean it up for service.
The deepest memory to me was cleaning the 4 basement staircases and the lift floors.

What made it even more memorable was the night of my 19th birthday. 3 hours of cleaning in the dark but I was excited.
There were no birthday candles for me.
And the stage is not the only place where I want to be.
Being in the House of God is.

And the doors opened. I saw a pair of beautiful leather shoes. I thought to myself, "I got to be careful and not scratch those."

But the most beautiful thing happened.

The man bended his knees down to help me.
As he got down, he said, "I am sorry, brother. Am I dirtying the floor?"

The man was Pastor Kong.
I was so surprised to see him so close to me that I forgot to greet him.
But the man continued cleaning the floor with me. On his fours.

This is the man I know and I call Pastor Kong.

Pastor Kong has always preached about being a servant. But the man need not preach. Because he himself is the message.
Pastor kept giving and is a very humble man.
I attended SOT and remembered how he would avail himself for every Q&A session possible so that he could meet more students.
He allowed the people to approach him.
He even apologized for not being around more often.

What kind of man who would value others above his own time?
What kind of man who would value others above his own knees?
What kind of man who would value the calling to serve above his own desires?

So many a times, I wanted to give up on myself.
I found the world cruel.
Relationships lied and hurt me.
But in one man. I saw how God can use us.
In one man, I understood how God loves us.
In one man, I learn how His Grace can be sufficient for us.
In one man, I felt how real my God is.

Today, my successes are really a blessing from God and a touch from this man.
I am able to lead cell groups. I am able to lead my work team.
I am able to lead because I learned how to love.
And I learn how to forgive and believe.
I learned how to have integrity.

Can one man make a difference?
Surely when he has God.

Who is Pastor Kong?
No better word than this. He is my Pastor.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Even if great behavior and kindness doesn’t bring earthly rewards

Gal 6:7
Do not be deceived and deluded and misled; God will not allow Himself to be sneered at (scorned, disdained, or mocked by mere pretensions or professions, or by His precepts being set aside.) [He inevitably deludes himself who attempts to delude God.] For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap.

"Paul introduces his call for decision with a solemn warning based on an agricultural principle: Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows (v. 7). When people think and act as if they will not reap what they have sown, or as if they will reap something different from what they have sown, they are deceiving themselves and mocking God. But since the inexorable law of reaping what is sown has always been proved true, the proverbial statement of warning God cannot be mocked is also true: no one can mock God and get away with it."

For a long time, people keep telling me this verse as an answer for my situations. And I am always confused. If sowing goodwill will reap goodwill, then it has never happen to me. Because seriously, it doesn't and hasn't!

Someone said: "I always wondered why the last 8 treated you that way." And that person became the ninth.

"Farming metaphors obviously worked very well in societies much dependent on agriculture and the idea of “you reap what you sow,” is that people can expect to harvest the fruit of their behavior, just as farmers expect to harvest the crops that they plant. Therefore, people who go through life “sowing’” kindness and goodness to others, will often be rewarded for their behavior, if not on earth than in eternal life, and those who sow bitterness may face punishment. Paul’s precedes this metaphor with the statement that “God is not mocked,” and this could mean that even if great behavior and kindness doesn’t bring earthly rewards, it will certain bring heavenly ones, while the person who skates through life without acting in a manner approved by God, is not fooling the Creator."

I realized that everyone treats me conditionally. Conditions upon conditions. It isn't biblical. I am really tired of reading through conditions. Do you like being forgiven conditionally? Can I find one more honest person here?

Jesus did it unconditionally.
Stop being conditional.

Because if it was conditional, then Gal 6:7 will not suffice. And the Laws of the Word will befall conditionally, but it shouldn't be now.

I remember the image of the white dove once told to me. Last night I dreamed of the same dove. And this time, the dove nested next to me. I almost cried in that dream. Because the one most precious memory to me... is reassurance that I am not a conditional being.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

FIght sparingly.

Silver linings belong to the less dense.

Last night, I had a 2-hour chat at a carpark.

"If I were the one, I would have close this door and move on."

I smiled.

How many times I have heard that.
And immediately I know, there is really a lack in this place.
A lack of frontline fighters.

How many people have told me to let go.

Letting go of let-downs is always the sensible thing to do.
Because hurts are illogical.

I feel a little sadden that everyone has become selfish.

Maybe this is age.
A gathering of dense wisdom.
But lacking in reflection.
Reflecting the light for hope.
The frontline.
You won't find the dense there.


Amos 5:18
[ Time to Face Hard Reality, Not Fantasy ] Woe to all of you who want God's Judgment Day! Why would you want to see God, want him to come? When God comes, it will be bad news before it's good news, the worst of times, not the best of times. Here's what it's like: A man runs from a lion right into the jaws of a bear. A woman goes home after a hard day's work and is raped by a neighbor. At God's coming we face hard reality, not fantasy— a black cloud with no silver lining.

A black cloud is when there is nothing worth fighting.

I asked back.

"Then I would have not fought for many in the past.
Including you."

Silence. He got it.

Because now the hurt has been turned logical.
The reasons to This Is A Fight.
I fought battles.
Not as much as many before me.
But at least I fought.

I can only say.
I chose to fight.
Even when there are really not many fighters.

But me and my house.
I will serve the Lord.

Fight sparingly.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Ate instant noodles second.

Finally I caught up with another 6 hours of sleep. Very soon I will be able to overlap the loss.

When I woke up at 3am and saw all the emails, I got really upset.

Went to read first.
Ate instant noodles second.
Finished my presentation third.

Immediately, the morning came and I bb-ed YL.

A Word had came to me.

Job was a friend to God (Job 29:4) and a Champion of Good and Moral service to the society.
As a result, the people listened to him.
People will hate or love us.
But we have been a Friend to God and to the weak!
Have greater faith and greater friendship. We will be present!
They take away nothing! There is NOTHING TO FEAR!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

No matter how they turn and twist the internal molecules.

I read in all the posts about the email.

I believe in "God's Original Plan" as preached by Pst Cho.
God already said so to us from the start.
No matter how they turn and twist the internal molecules.
An egg will still break the rock.

I will believe so.

That is my faith.

God always have original plans.

From Pst Cho (Asia Conference, 20100530)

How do you know you have visions in your heart?

God is vision.
You need to throw your reservations to the reality.
And receive the miraculous.
You should see as He sees.
You should speak as He speaks.
You believe as He believes.
You show as He shows.
Stripes.
Blood.
Fire.
These are the things ‘seen’ by God already.

You must meditate on His word endlessly.
The power is released in the endless.

You are now in the 4th dimension zone.
Faith is counter measure.
That an egg can break a rock.
It is believing what God says so.

________________________________________

Humility does not allow the inferior thinking.
Because to Jesus, you are everything.
We become righteous at heart.
Speak and proclaim.

God always have original plans.
That is why it is not about whether He planned whether you have failings.
And that is why Word confirms Word.
Will confirms Will.
So it always has the ability to continue.